Heartbreak.

New day, new beginning.

Hi Crazies, I am back again....crazier than ever. Nothing exciting has happened to me and the year is almost over. It's december and i have come to the conclusion that i have not accomplished anything this year.

Absolutely nothing!!!!!!
So this is nothing about what i have and have not accomplished. This isn't about my failures in life. This is all about fun, relatable fun with other crazy people out there.
So let's delve into today's topic.

HOW DO YOU HANDLE A BAD BREAKUP?

I have been in my fair share of bad break ups. i have had my heart brokenn a million times that at this point it is probably sheltered to peieces in my chest.

I'm going to tell you guys  story; a story of how i got my heart broken and how i handled it. lemme just tell you that i never handle my break ups well. I always over analyse,, over think and get like messed up emotionally. Now the reason why i am going to pick this story out of my numberous heartbreaks is because this is the one that hurt the most....i think.
So we are going to call the man of the hour ''Joe''. Now Joe was a sweetheart. The definition Man of your dreams. I met joe when i was in university. We had a few classes together, i remmeber what even hooked my attention to him.
He had this crinkle on his face whenever he smiled. They were not dimples, kinda like his face smiled along with his mouth--that probably sounds crazy.
LOL.
Anyways, Joe used to sit next to me in class and he always had this notebook that he carried with him everywhere. He was always doodling in it too and i was always curious about what he was writing.

He always had a dreamy expression on his face whenever he was with his notebook; it always made me curious and a little jealous. I wished he'd look at me with that expression, i wish he'd see me and realise that i had been there all along.
So Joe was always next to me in class, he was always friendly. He always had a smile on his face and it always melted up my heart.
Now i am going to share something with you about the real me--the me i have kept from you guys. I am plus sized. Yeah I am big. So i have always been sensitive about how i look and what i wear, i have never really felt good enough for guys i have been with. I never really felt comfortable with guys as more than friends but it was very different with Joe; he'd look at me and my cheeks will redden and then he will utter the same words to me every single day we had class togehter.
'' Hi there beautiful ''
And every time he uttered those words, i felt like i was high up in the sky floating.

So i alway waited for him to get to class, i'd wait for him to slide in the seat next to me and then i'd wait for him to call me beautiful. After some months of the same back and forth, i knew i had genuine feelings for Joe but he wasn't making a move and that made me depressed.
I tried to dress up for him; i even put on makeup but he didn't seem to notice my advances. That sucked royally and i was frustrated.
On a saturday--i think, i went for a movie with my roommate back then and then there he was; in all his glory and all his smile and happiness. i remember hitting her shoulder. we should call my roommate Joyce. so i remember hitting Joyce and telling her that he was the one. I remember him walking up to us....i remember him saying i looked beautiful--no one had ever thought i looked beautiful. He joined us for our movie, we watched a comedy. It was the best day ever.
I didn't want it to end.
Until it did.
The next week in class joe asked for my number, i was ecstatic. on top of the moon and over it. This was a man i had wanted from the first moment i met him and he was finally coming around.
We started dating a month later.

He died two months after.

One of the things he left was his notebook. And i finally saw what was in it and i realised they all drawings....drawings of.
ME.




So it is safe to say i didn't handle that break up well. i delved into FOOD. Every Time i remember him and i start to cry i eat a slice of cake, candy, some ice cream. I put on a lot of extra weight because of Joe.
So now guys, tell me how you handled your own heartbreaks.
Till later.
Crazies.